dispatch #10

happy holidays. still fighting the "war on christmas," i am proud to say. tree & all.

best to you all & wishing you a season of joy & peace.

dispatch #9: 2023 SE Madison #5, Portland, Oregon

the coldest night i ever spent (part 5)

then there is this [titular] place. if hell was made of ice, this place would be on fire. it is THAT cold!

i wasn't paying attention when the icy receptionist @ the property management office answered the phone; or when the bitchy agent who, after opening the 3rd apartment in 2 days she had shown me, told me i was "difficult".

but when the kids couldn't sleep thru the noise of the heater-fan; when I couldn't sleep thru the noise of the heater-fan; when i felt the breeze of cold air coming in around the lock of the closed back door; when i reflected upon the non-refundable, one hundred-fifty dollar portion of the security deposit, i seriously considered stopping payment on the check. $40 bank fee, bad karma & credit threats be damned.

i was pissed. [as i write this, the heater noisily cycles on & off @ a rate of 5x per hour. it is currently set to "low": too cold when it's off, too hot when it's on. heat doesn't make it to the bedroom but you still can't hear anything over the fan. it's giving me a headache.]

but my karma-dharma cop-out bullshit got the better of me & i decided to play the martyr & just piss them off without screwing up my "credit". that'll teach 'em!

dispatch #8: 2023 SE Madison #5, Portland, Oregon

the coldest night i ever spent (part 4)

more recently, i spent a couple odd nights in the car up in portland. according to the digital bank clock/thermometer/metric system instigator @ SE 39th & hawthorne, it didn't get below 34°F.

car has no heat. driver's window doesn't roll all the way up. my feet were wet. i'm using the term "cold."

dispatch #7: 2023 SE Madison #5, Portland, Oregon

the coldest night i ever spent (pt.3 in SUPER 3-D)

3 more years pass. july first. trail camp, mount whitney, california. elevation: 12,000 ft.

i slept in the tent so it wasn't THAT cold. but i was using a 30+ year-old coleman bag stuffed with straw & dirt, & weighing in @ about 15 lbs.

i can only guess at the temp, but the sweat from the previous day's hike had frozen my socks & pack straps as stiff as boards by morning. there was ice on the tent.

dispatch #6: 2023 SE Madison #5, Portland, Oregon

the coldest night i ever spent (#2 in a 6-part series [sounding deceptively official & mildly pretentious])

the second was 7 yrs later. same location.

trying to impress the new girl with my "off plowed-road, winter driving skills" in her dad's new honda. ended up walking across the thinly-iced pond to the camp grounds, then up the hill to the dorms.

didn't actually "spend the night", but it was cold, nevertheless. snow, ice, et. al.

probably no lower than 38°F. it was mid-afternoon in january. snow & sun. we drove home in our underwear with the heater cranked, then took a hot bath. no frostbite.

dispatch #5: 2023 SE Madison #5, Portland, Oregon

the coldest night i ever spent (part 1 of 6 or so)

was outside a southern california mountain almost-resort bookended by its better-known, suburban los angeles, daytripper getaways: arrowhead (of bottled water fame) & big bear (they have a lake & ski slopes).

a civic fart of a community boasting its own "lake" & fire station, imaginatively-named "arrowbear" is nice enough in summer, chilly in winter, & just a tad too close to sea-level for consistent enough snow to warrant more than a sanctioned tobogganing "area".

it was someone's daring idea to combine jr. & sr. high school boys & girls in dorms built for summer use for a weekend-long summer camp reunion staged in mid-november.

daring, especially considering that age's predisposition to over-dramatization, exaggeration, & general pussiness; "i'm so god-damned cold! my dad's a lawyer & this is abuse. blah, blah, blah." you know these kids.

overnight low inside the dorms i'd estimate @ about 30°F. our parents loaned us their good bags. we whined & moaned ourselves to sleep. we survived.

dispatch #4: oregon zoo, portland

well the kids are here at long last. i think they grew a collective foot taller since i saw them last (it seems like years) & i realized how depressed i was without them near once i held them in my arms.

if you don't know my kids, you are really missing something. they are AMAZING. i can say this without the slightest trace of bias.

witness:

oregon zoo, portland, oregon, the "bat cave":
boy (soon to be 4 years old): what is THAT one doing?

me (considerably older): it's mating with that other one, the female. wow, that is incredible! this is something you don't see every day.

boy: if you are a bat [you do].

me (to daughter, age 7): check this out. the bats are mating.

daughter: right here?

me: yeah

female bat now getting occasionally miffed @ the agressiveness of the male & turning to squawk & nip at him.

daughter: she's like saying, "get off me!"

me (laughing): totally.

all, staring, fascinated: that is SO cool.

* * * *
ok. maybe that didn't translate too well. or maybe it did. @ any rate, i am just so happy that these amazing little things are a part of my life. (the kids, i mean, tho the bats obviously got it goin' on.)